Centaurs, mythical “creatures” that are half man, half horse have been described as "wild and lusty, overly indulgent drinkers and carousers that are given to violence when intoxicated." A basic delinquent. Conversely, Chiron, the most notable of the centaurs was revered for his intelligence knowledge and skill with medicine. Chiron was schooled in astrology, war and was a respected teacher and tutor. Most notably, Chiron was the teacher and tutor of Hercules. He, and other young boys were sent to live with Chiron for training and to learn the ways of the world.
When entering the custody fight for my son, I felt as though the courts, and society as a whole saw the role of a father as just that; a person that you can send your child off to on the weekends and/or in the summer so that you, as a father, could impart whatever knowledge you have within a limited period of time. What has always confused me is why do we limit the time a father has to teach their child? Stated another way, if our lessons are so important why are we typically given such a limited amount of time to parent? That has been my fight... to be a constant in my son’s life and not just a tutor on the weekends.
I cohabitated with the mother of my child for the first three years of his life and was an extremely active father. Doctors appointments, schools, day cares, activities, play dates. I would change diapers, feed, burp, put the baby to bed, etc, etc., and when my son’s mother moved out, at that time, it made sense for the custody arrangement to be week-on, week-off and that’s what we agreed to. Single-dad for a week, and “single” dad for the next week. During the weeks with my son, they were extremely busy, and difficult at times. I can remember days fighting the Atlanta traffic to make it home in time to pick my son up at daycare, changing into “play clothes”(which is really significant for a number of reasons), playing Thomas the Train (I was always the troublesome trucks), cooking dinner, reading books and trying to get ready for the next day. Single mothers, I truly understand your struggle. There would be times that I was so tired that after dinner I would take my son to bed at 6:30 and just sleep with him though the night. By the way Dads, there is no excuse for not cooking for your child. It takes ten minutes to cook a starch, use a can vegetables or a bag of salad if you must and cook your meat on the grill. (And while you’re on the grill, you can play catch in between flips of the steak.) JUST TRY IT!!
Did week-on, week-off work? At that time, yes. Were there always issues? OMG YES! (We’ll discuss those later). But here is the lesson to be learned:
Be Chiron, the teacher, the mentor, and the tutor for your child. It takes time, effort and lots of energy. Start from the beginning doing everything you can for your child. Feed him or her, change diapers, put them to bed, discipline them, console them, play with them and hold their hands (it’s what helped me gain the role of custodial parent during the school year). But, most importantly, refuse to be a weekend father. Moms: give us the time to be good fathers, if that’s truly what we want to be. And yes Mom, I can hear you in the background saying, “Wasn’t Chiron a HORSES ASS?”
From the Front Seat
